In the Bar

The man I watch is the one who walked in angry. He’s the one who beelines to the inventory, seeks the quick, the clear, the most generous pour.

Ice glittering in his glass, he’s cornered next to her. But they’ve met before and he can’t ignore her like he wants to. She’s 42; her divorce was final five weeks ago; she’s going to Mexico to celebrate. She leans into him as if she’s hard of hearing. She hasn’t noticed yet she’s lost an earring. He’s picking his nose with a dirty thumbnail and she invites him to go with her, as if she’s not serious. Gives him the chance to shock her with acceptance. Then she would act as if she’s rethinking; let him flap on her fishing pole to make herself feel good. And with timing, she’d throw her shoulders and claim, “What the hell,” as if he’s the one doing the convincing.

But she’s misread him. This man doesn’t shock. He is not one who runs away to beaches to sun his skin and make love at 2 in the afternoon. He carries. He endures. He contains all. He smoothes the rough edges of all the metal he’s accidentally swallowed with the last legal drug. He burnishes it all with slow burning liquid. Every day, every day. And it collects now inside, a small grenade made of loose steel, nuts so round they appear to make sense being in a stomach, screws torn from old fences, barbed wire stars he didn’t taste going down.

She studies his large hands. Imagines their sandpaper touch. She spills her drink. She laughs louder than the joke deserves. When he’s done with today’s medicine, she’ll be alone in the bar, wondering what is wrong with her.

love in twelve hours

at dusk / you and i / went down / to the beach / to walk / to watch a sun set

just before dawn / i left you / alone / waiting for the tide to wane

in my empty room / i pulled a thread of seaweed from my hair / a memento / of the only walk we will ever share

because I / was good / and you / were good / and we both passed the test

but i am not sure i could pass again / and you / brought a harmonica / somewhere else to put your lips

if you find this / don't wonder / if it's from me / it is

i came here / to see the place i wouldn't let myself go / with you / let go with you

most days / more than fine / all my loyalty intact

on others / one lost night intrudes / how i would have shocked you / when i let go / further / let go further / had i been your harmonica

if you wonder / do i regret / i do

you / are the only one who knows / what color the ocean became / when the sun / came back

and ended / our night